Tuesday’s Love Jones – Fighting with Respect!


 

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other. Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place

Frequent heated and hurtful conflict is certainly not healthy or sustainable, either. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together.

If you want to navigate conflict with your partner in a healthier and more productive way, keep these things in mind during your next argument:

~ Schedule a time for conflict

~ Call a timeout if you or your partner needs one

During an argument, it’s common for one or both partners to enter “fight, flight or freeze” mode, humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger. “Fight or flight” refers to when stress hormones activate to give people more energy to either fight the stressor or run from the situation. And “freeze” mode occurs when a person simply does not react at all, in hopes that the stressor loses interest in the fight.

~ Make requests instead of complaints

Fights often start with the same two words: “You always.” Rather than asking their partner to do something they’d like them to do, like cleaning up around the house, people jump to make accusations.

~ Listen, and ask your partner for clarification

~ Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Just as people have different love languages, we have different apology languages, too. It’s not enough to recognize that you’ve hurt your loved one and you owe them an apology: You have to know them enough to tailor your apology to their needs.

In closing, remember that when couples argue, we are not enemies. Even when we do not agree we are still on the same team!

Tuesday’s Love Jones – 23 Years of Great Advice!


This past Saturday, May 23rd, to be exact….the hubs and me celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary.  As we celebrated the good times over the years, we thought about what advice that we would possibly share with for younger couples. There is no good reason to go through all the ups and downs that we both have faced without being some kind of light to younger couples.

Marriage is not all cupcakes and flowers, so how in the world did we get through 23 years?  For us, these 23 years have been filled with tears of joy, but also sorrow and filled with joy that has taken a lot of work. For us, falling in love back in high school 1988 and saying “I do” in 1992, was the easy part. Living happily ever after is the part that takes a whole lot of work.

Here are our collected words of wisdom below:

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    His Prom 1988

    Share everything with each other. Most importantly, everything you are feeling. There is no way to be on common ground if you don’t communicate how you’re feeling.

  • Whatever bad stuff happens, remember this, too, will pass.
  • Affection breeds more affection. Touch each other, kiss each other good morning, and have plenty of sex . It’s too easy to get out of the habit, which makes you feel distant. Intimacy and physical affection really help keep you connected.
  • Let the little things go and think big picture. Since you’re in it for the long haul, are you really going to care who did or didn’t run the dishwasher when you look back in 10 years? Remind yourself that your relationship is much, much bigger than any one minor incident.
  • Take time for yourself to do what you love, what makes you happy and gives you energy — being successful as a couple will only work if each of you is strong and fulfilled as an individual.
  • Avoid giving the silent treatment. Talk about things that bother you as soon as possible; don’t let your emotions build up, because you’ll likely explode.
  • Let go of hurts more easily, and try not to dwell on things that annoy you.
  • Don’t take each other for granted. You have to work at it all the time.

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    Summer 86′

  • Be spontaneous. Change things up every once in a while. Whether that means a last-minute vacation or a card for no special occasion. Grand gifts and the smallest gestures can go a long way when you’re with someone for a very long time.
  • Be nice! This can be harder than it seems sometimes, but remember that you (hopefully) love the person more than anyone else on the planet and you chose to marry them, so treat them with kindness.
  • Be patient. You both might grow together at different times and in different ways, so you need to give and take to make it last forever.
  • Celebrate when good things happen, and be expressive about it.
  • Tell them what you need. As much as you want them to, they can’t read minds. Tell them that you feel disconnected and that you want a day alone together or date night.
  • Surprise each other like you used to do when dating with special notes, small gifts, baking them a favorite recipe, or planning a weekend away. It lets the other person know you’re still in love with them, and it makes you feel the love, too.
  •  Build your partner up and support them to be all they can or want to be.
  • Take time to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes before judging. You want to avoid unnecessary criticism or negativity as much as you can.
  • Make each other laugh. Try not to take everything so seriously.
  • Be more generous with time and money. There is nothing worse than a spouse that rant a raves about every penny spent.
  • Don’t get defensive. Try to come at things from a place of love and kindness, and don’t assume you’re being attacked.
  • Trust and be trustworthy.
  • Try to always remember why you fell in love with your partner. Whether it was their sense of humor or ambition…always remind yourself.
  • Say “I love you,” and tell your partner they look attractive.
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For more tips pick up my book

 

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Ten Emotional Needs of a Woman!


Recently, we blogged about the Ten Emotional Needs for Men and a fellow blogger (WiL of An Insomniac’s Dreams blog) to be exact – asked us to write about Ten Emotional Needs of a Woman, so since we aim to please…we did as he asked!

Ten Emotional Needs of a Woman…

Ten Emotional Needs of a Woman

Ten Emotional Needs of a Woman

Understanding: When a man listens to his woman…not just hears her out, but really really listens to her, it show caring deeply with action.

Respect: Now this one is so important! When a woman knows that her opinions, feeling and choices matter to her man it a vital component of a woman’s make up.

Faithfulness: Cheating is understandable for teenage boys, but it is inexcusable for a married man. When a man demonstrates sexual purity and restraint outside the bedroom, his woman can be free and responsive in the bedroom.

Devotion: Women love stuff like adoration, devotion and most of all loyalty.  When a man shows a woman these things it makes her admire him more each day.

Validation: Showing small gestures of love by a man makes a woman’s heart melt. This can be done by the simplest of efforts such as: running your fingers through her hair, a sweet text to let her know you are thinking of her or simply a nice firm hug. Always remember less can be more in any situation.

Financially Minded: Finances are one of the most important areas of security for a woman. A woman needs the assurance that her man has to ability to provide covering for her.  Not to say that she won’t work or help, but she needs to know that he has the pure financial sense to build something positive for the future of the relationship.

Romance: Romance keeps a relationship alive and women loves for her man to designate quality time for her.

Intimacy: Couples are conditioned to think that INTIMACY has something to do with SEX when all it really begins with is a simple CONVERSATION. COMMUNICATION is what INTIMACY really looks like. Share good meals, share play time, share jokes and funny movies, share outdoor activities. What matters most is that the activity is fun and pleasurable for each of you.

Reassurance: Men think reassurance has to be some BIG production, but all the reassurance any woman needs in HAVING YOUR WORDS MATCH YOUR ACTIONS. PERIOD!

Confidence: When a real man is confident within himself he will in turn confidently love his woman and all the above will come rather instinctual.

One last loverly thing….

Kissing is very important to a woman:  German researchers studied the effects of a morning kiss on people.  It’s really an interesting study too!  They found the secret to a long and successful life was a morning kiss.  A team of psychologists found that the key to a longer, happier, healthier and wealthier life for a man is found in one single act, kissing in the morning.

These German researchers found that men who kiss their wives every morning have fewer automobile accidents on the way to work.  They found that good morning kissers missed less work because of sickness than non-kissers.  You know why?  Kissing is good for you physically.  Because when you kiss you exchange benign bacteria in the saliva which helps boost and build your immune system.

It’s good for you!  And, according to their study, men who kiss every single morning earn twenty to thirty percent more money.  How can that be?  Well, one doctor said it’s because a husband who kisses his wife every morning begins his day with a positive attitude.  Now I don’t know if that’s true or not, but they also found that every morning kisser lives, on an average, five years longer than men who were stingy with their kisses.  Humph…seems everybody wins with a kiss!!!

Hope you’ve enjoyed!

Have a Happy Tuesday

~ Katrina Gurl

ConfidenceBarginOftheWeek

Keeping Up Appearances – #KitKatCoaching


Keeping Up Appearances – #KitKatCoaching#AClientWrites:

Although, I am newly married, as a woman, I want to first look good for myself and be healthy for my kids, but another big part of staying fit, feeling good and looking good is for my husband! I know marriage is until death do us part, but I do think it’s a woman’s job to stay looking good, feeling sexy and confident for their man and since men are visual….VERY visual, I think it’s important to take care of myself, be healthy, be confident and remind my man of why he fell in love with you in the first place.

Some women may feel like their husband should take them as they are (at any size), but I don’t think that’s the right way of thinking.  Although a woman’s body can go through many stages as aging sets in, I do think it is imperative to maintain in every way possible.

Am I making too much of this???

#KitKatCoaching:

Girl, you know you hit the nail on the head with: MEN ARE VISUAL! I’m telling you…men can create a perfect sex scene with only theThe Coach is Here sight of lint in a room LOL! I do think it is important for a woman to try to keep care of herself physically and mentally, but not in the order you have listed. I think a woman should keep up with herself for herself first, and then the children and lastly, the hubs!

When the core reason is not first for SELF it’s never genuine.  Look at it this way, If you stay healthy and fit for YOU it will become an inspiration for your children to do the same as they grow older and the happier momma is, the happier the whole family is…not to mention the fact that by doing this for YOURSELF, hubby well automatically benefit from it.

It is true: Finding your spouse attractive is one of the top 10 emotional needs for men and sure, a man may still love his wife if she lets herself go,  but he may not find her as sexually attractive.   If the sex life suffers, his emotional connection to her will also suffer.  I think it’s important for both partners to keep themselves attractive to their spouses. It shows not only love, but respect for one another too.  I say, have a conversation about it! Hope this has helped.

Thanks for sharing your relationship concerns with me!

The Coach is Here,

Katrina