Tuesday’s Love Jones – Fighting with Respect!


 

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other. Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place

Frequent heated and hurtful conflict is certainly not healthy or sustainable, either. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together.

If you want to navigate conflict with your partner in a healthier and more productive way, keep these things in mind during your next argument:

~ Schedule a time for conflict

~ Call a timeout if you or your partner needs one

During an argument, it’s common for one or both partners to enter “fight, flight or freeze” mode, humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger. “Fight or flight” refers to when stress hormones activate to give people more energy to either fight the stressor or run from the situation. And “freeze” mode occurs when a person simply does not react at all, in hopes that the stressor loses interest in the fight.

~ Make requests instead of complaints

Fights often start with the same two words: “You always.” Rather than asking their partner to do something they’d like them to do, like cleaning up around the house, people jump to make accusations.

~ Listen, and ask your partner for clarification

~ Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Just as people have different love languages, we have different apology languages, too. It’s not enough to recognize that you’ve hurt your loved one and you owe them an apology: You have to know them enough to tailor your apology to their needs.

In closing, remember that when couples argue, we are not enemies. Even when we do not agree we are still on the same team!

Put A Wedge In It Blogs – Look at this Mitch!


Look at this #Mitch! #Repost @kevinhart4real ・・・Kevin Hart cheated on his pregnant wife just like he did in his first marriage and has finally put out a lame “I’m not perfect apology” video! 


Which this video only comes in lieu of the woman he cheated with trying to extort money from him to keep her mouth shut! 

Humph…!!! When are people gonna realize that being perfect is not what keeps us from CHEATING!!! COMMITMENT is what keeps folks from hurting their partners!!! 

Zero Smashing for 90 days…wait what??? Terry Crews!


This week Terry Crews announces that he and his wife have gone 90 days without sex? Yes, Terry Crews. He says the sexual fast  made him feel more in love.

“I found that at the end of that 90 days … I knew who she was, and it wasn’t about ‘Let’s go out because I know I’m gonna get some sex later.’ It was like, ‘Let’s go because I want to talk to you. I want to know you’,” he said. Crews also made an enlightening comment on how men view intimacy.

But, I don’t think he speaks for all…not even most men when it comes to his views. I would really love to hear from men followers of this blog on this topic. Could you really go 90 days without sex to perhaps feel closer to your mate?

Watch a clip from the interview, below:

My Take and reasons why this is not a good idea…A Lack of Sex Can Affect Emotional and Mental Health

  • Sex is good for your heart, cutting your risk of heart attack and stroke in half when performed three times a week.
  • Sex is good for folks that suffering from headache or back pain too.  Moments before reaching orgasm, levels of the hormone Oxycontin surge, releasing pain-relieving endorphins, easing your aches and pains naturally.
  • Sex boosts your immune system and by having sex twice a week, it can increase the immune boosting antibody  immunoglobulin by 30 percent.
  •  Quickies burn Calories and can effectively contribute to your workout, helping you maintain or even lose weight. READ MORE!

Tuesday’s Love Jones – From the Past to Start!


5887e4cf632122531c5e5212485eac1aI am frequently contacted by prospective clients who need help letting go of past hurts.

These inquiries come from both men and women, as the pain of past hurts hits both equally. The request is always the same…how do I let go of the past and move the good part of my relationship?

When I get these email requests, I always respond with “yes, indeed, I can help you.” I know I can help because I have helped men and women fully let go and move to greatness in their relationship or marriage hundreds of times, using the strategies I am about to share with you.

In all honesty, forgiving someone is the easy part, but forgetting a betrayal or pain brought on is the hard part. Our mind and body repeats the pain over and over and when you are actually in union with the quote/unquote perpetrator.  We get into a trauma of it all and lose our way along the way.

To help you begin to let go, let’s look at the 3 reasons you hold on to the past:

Typical Reason #1:

You are afraid you will be hurt again. This is when it is imperative for the hurt-er to become transparent.

Typical Reason #2:

You are afraid that you are a fool for staying. Continuing in a marriage after a betrayal takes pure bravery. Some people may look at you are a weak person, but I urge my clients to know that staying is where the real power lies. Side: I never tell couples to stay on a continual, emotionally abusive relationship.

Typical Reason #3:

You are stuck in a mental trap of trying to figure out how the betrayal went right under your nose. You think about past words or actions that you could have picked up on. You may even repetitively think about what you could have done differently so that it would not have happened in the first place.

When I coach clients to let go of past hurts, I work with them to directly change these beliefs and get unstuck. We work on changing the belief that it is their fault, so that they can let go of the preoccupation with figuring this out.

Then we do one more thing to solidify the letting go process. This is the thing I want to share with you, as it makes a huge difference in being able to let go.

How to finally let go:

So long as you keep thinking about it…looking at them won’t be any better for you.  Continuing to think about the hurt in your relationship puts your past front and center in your mind, preoccupying your emotional and mental energy. There is simply no way to let go while your past is hijacking your future. Your future needs to go back to being in its proper place, in front of you, so that it can pull you forward.

One direct and effective way to work on this is to intentionally create a future to look forward to. To start this process, reflect on the following question:

“What do I want now, that would bring me joy, that I can reasonably see myself creating?”

In answering the question, be careful, because creating a fairytale future that you can’t buy into will do you no good.

Create yourself a future with your spouse that you can reasonably see yourself having, requiring effort and some risk on your part. Allow this question about the future to gradually preoccupy more and more of your time and mental energy, crowding out the time you spend thinking about the hurt. Think repeatedly about the “joy” part of the question…you are creating a future that will bring you joy.

At some point the momentum of the future-building process in your relationship will take over and you won’t have to work at it so much. You will be moving forward and creating a life that brings you joy as you go.

Hope this has helped,

Have a happy Tuesday 🙂