Tuesday’s Love Jones – Things for Couples to Remember While Quarantining!

Quarantine Ideas by Katrina Gurl

Since Trump doesn’t know how to run the country and is suggesting that his followers ingest cleaning products as a COVID19 antidote…our best bet is just stick closer to our family and learn new ways to strengthen our relationships withPawii our partner.

Let’s face it, there are a LOT of couples packing with tensions of quarantining in close quarters during this worldwide pandemic. Let’s just jump to the bold stuff, before you have to put a tranquilizer dart in your spouse’s neck for doing that irritating, “thing” again. Just be honest and put your feelings on the table and work them out like adults.

  1. I’m not used to you being home all day!

Like you, your spouse is under all sorts of stress. From working from home to homeschooling to the economy to lack of hand-sanitizer to having to live with you, the struggle is real.

When they mess up, ease up. Try not to get all bent out of shape about the way they deal with the kids, their towels on the floor, their way of managing to slurp through every bite of their cereal. Give them the grace you need now or are going to need soon.

  1. All these years and I never knew you were such a mean person!

Somehow we know exactly how to be kind to stranger during an entire work week, but now that we are at home every day with our loved ones, the knowledge of that has seemed to walk right out the door. You may be surprised how staggering helpful small doses of kindness can be for your relationship.

  1. You’re strange these days!

Some couples have a lot of differences. Every couple has some differences. Some of you are stressed your mate is not stressed enough about the coronavirus. Some of you are stressed because your spouse is too stressed. Some of you hate this time has messed-up your structure, while others are thrilled daily hygiene is optional.

Although it’s frustrating when you re-see the face you promised to love. They may be a LOT to deal with, but, so are you. There’s no better way to draw your mate to you than accepting them, all of them. They need your acceptance now more than ever.pawii2

  1. Try to have fun in this UN-FUN situation

I fully understand the coronavirus is serious. How in the world could we ever forget? The reminders are everywhere. But too much news causes too much stress. Too much stress weakens your immune system.

So, for the sake of doing your part, try to be at least semi-fun. You don’t have to do stand-up, but at least tell some jokes or do something fun around the house. And for all the love of God, if you see your mate TRYING to be kind, try to follow suit.

2020 is turning out to be the strangest year in a long while, but as far as relationships go…let’s make it remarkable memorable.

Below are some creative activities for couples. Some of them are weird, but who knows how long this will last. Things may get desperate!

Have Themed dinner and a movie…

  • Whip up a buttery and then watch Black AF or Dolemite Is My Name or The Big Lebowski.
  • Find a favorite, romantic play online and act it out for the family, or just for yourselves.

Put on a fashion show for each other

  • Do this while cleaning out the closet…try on clothing and show off your sexy off and let him/her decide if you should keep or toss that item.

Explore Instagram Live – Club Quarantine with DJ D- Nice

  • In a coronavirus world, for many folks, Saturday nights might have meant dance parties at clubs all around the country. But as we’re all social distancing, thanks to DJ D-Nice, any person anywhere can be part of one giant dance party at the same time—via Instagram.

Each week Club Quarantine reaches over of 100,000 with live viewers. Guests including Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and John Legend popped in to the “party” throughout the week, but on Saturday the party got lit, as the kids say, with guests including Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lopez, Rihanna, Ellen DeGeneres. Even Democratic presidential candidates Vice President Joe Biden and Senator Bernie Sanders joined in on the fun! And, let’s not forget #SEXYTIME whenever Halle Barry steps in the room as chatroom fam has coined the hashtags #BERRYNICE.

D-Nice spins tracks by artists including Rihanna and Janet Jackson, he shouted out his special guests—even joking that perhaps guest Mark Wahlberg. Many also remarked on the power that music and dance has to change the world.

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Get A New Life Instead!

Losing the love of our life is shattering and shattering is such a fitting word, because the very earth underneath us feelsHow-To-Break-Up-With-Your-Boyfriend shaky and un-loyal with each step we try to take forward.

Love can feel like such a lottery…a lottery that wasn’t such a great scratch off at that.  However, even if they do that doesn’t guarantee success; we should still love with full hearts. As I often repeat to clients that if we are lucky enough, and it is luck, that we meet our ‘soul mate’, which is rare, it is winning the lottery.

As we get older our relationship needs change. If we have loved and lost our ‘first true love’ we need a time of reflection and time to heal. When we meet someone else please give them, and yourself, time.

Those of us who have loved and lost are told to ‘move on’. Yes, we must do just that, but it takes time and a lot of healing. We are brought up with the belief, and are told repeatedly, that there is the one special person out there for us. If we believe we had found them and then lost them what does that make of all the assurances we were given?

For many of us, we have one true love in our lives, though we don’t necessarily end up with them. However, to our detriment we keep looking back picturing an idyllic life full of love with the person who in the end married someone else.  If you continue to look back with bitterness you will never find true love and contentment, only increasing personal sadness.

alone-couple-girl-lake-love-sad-Favim.com-492101I tell my clients: ‘If you have lost the ‘so called’ love of your life…GO GET A NEW LIFE!”

5 cool ways to use a bad break up to win in life:

Classy/Sexy: The initial stages. Think to yourself: How would Michelle Obama deal with a breakup? Breakups get messy. You don’t need to get even. You also don’t need to act crazy trying to win him back. He didn’t deserve you in the first place. Class is something you can’t pay for in school – but is respected by a man who will treat you right. You want to attract a class act? Keep calm and stay classy!

Stay Focused: A re-focus strategy. A relationship can alter what’s important to you. Make yourself the priority. Now that you have time, think about what you’ve accomplished for YOURSELF during the relationship.

Get Out More: Quit being depressed! Staying locked away from the world is a sign of weakness. Life will go on as soon asbreak-up2 you allow it to. Stay active! This may sound corny, but signing up for a gym membership was the best thing! Put on some cute spandex and go for a run. A gym is a great way to meet new people. You can also work off all that ice cream you’ve been eating!

Practice Flirting: Re-learning the ropes. After being in a committed relationship, you forget how to flirt. Loosen up (but not too loose!) Casual conversations and light human interaction can lead to anything; even if it’s just a new friend. Flirting is meant to be fun. It will also boost your ego and mentally prepare you to get back in the ring of love. Don’t ignore the hot Starbucks guy when he’s clearly smiling at your beautiful face. Smile back. Ask him how his day is going. You might even get a free coffee!

Define You: Before you allow someone new in your life. What do you love about yourself? Have you ever stopped to think about that? Why should someone fall in love with you? Often we are on a quest to find someone who can fulfill our needs. But how can you receive if you are unable to give? Don’t let a previous breakup mess up a future relationship. Do you want honesty, loyalty and forgiveness? In order to obtain these qualities in another person, you must be these qualities yourself. Figure out what you need to work on, so when the time comes, you can give and receive love.

Tuesday’s Love Jones – “In” Love!

PawiiBlogsInLove1Thinking about being “in” something, makes me think of being fully absorbed with something completely.  Absorbed in thought, in spirit, in body, in mind and in soul. We are involved totally while focused…100% all “in” per se.

I grew up on fairy tales and love stories that taught me to believe that being in love and loving are the same thing. That couldn’t be any further from the truth.

When we say we are “in” love; what does that really mean?

Researchers say that an in love brain looks very different from one experiencing mere lust, and it’s also unlike a brain of someone in a long-term, committed relationship.

Being in love includes:

  • Craving one another
  • Focused attention
  • Increased energy when together
  • Motivation to do things that makes your mate happy
  • Sexual attraction and thinking about them when apart

PawiiBlogsInLove2Love is way more than just a feeling, it’s not just about chemistry and connection; it’s about what we do with that connection, how we honor it or whether we dishonor it. Two people can meet, be brought together in this crazy world and have all of the rush and intoxication of automatic materials necessary, but if one or both of these people are not also genuinely loving people, then the relationship will sooner or later, and more likely sooner than later, go badly, fall apart, crash on the shore.

Being in love with someone and loving that person are two different things. Understanding the difference and being able to apply the knowledge to your own relationships is key to building a lasting relationship.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not inflated. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered or quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury. Love does not delight over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, perseveres through all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

If we claim to be “in love” this means that we are “in” for the long haul and love matches our actions to be more than just mere words.

Here are a few differences between being in love and loving someone:

  • When you’re in love with someone, you want this person.

Being in love is wanting to own a part of the other person. Its believing that this person is so wonderful that you want him or her to be a part of your life, a part of you. When you fall in love with a person, you feel an intense urge to consume that person in any way you can. Being in love is believing you need someone in order to be happy

  • When you love someone, you need this person

You don’t just want…you need him or her. You need this person to live a happy and healthy life because your happiness literally depends on it.

  • When you’re in love with someone, your emotions are always on high

Your brain is producing the most amazing chemical cocktail, making you feel as if you were floating atop of a cloud. You get high just by being in love with a person and it’s a sort of high you never want to let go of.PawiiBlogsInLove3

and to ride the less frequent waves as they come. They always come. They just aren’t the “in love” emotional state that only falling in love allows for.

  • When you love someone, you aren’t rushing to reach the finish line

The goal that being in love calls for no longer exists, but only because it’s already been reached. This often scares people because they begin to feel a need to continue making progress.

In closing, loving a person is something that defines you …it defines the person you are. Those we love, those we care about most, those who mean the most to us, and who have affected us most in our lives, are those who never really leave us.

When you love someone, you can’t stop loving that person because it would require you to stop loving a part of you yourself. Period!

What is your definition of being “in” Love?

Have a loverly Tuesday,

Kat 🙂

Tuesday’s Love Jones – ReLove!

ReLoveWe always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first – George John Whyte-Melville

When we are heartbroken by the loves of our lives it literally feels like your stomach is going to crawl up into your heart and die a slow, painful death. Seemingly killing you softly and if that isn’t enough, you begin feeding this (what feels like) a torturous pit with self-pity because at least that subsides that feeling of emptiness, betrayal and loneliness.

If you are aching like this, I swear you will love again. You will make it though and when the timing is right you will know that the risk of love is worth it!

Yesterday as my daughter and I talk about the risk your heart feels at the thought of taking another chance at love, ReLovefor some strange reason a giraffe popped in my head…yes, I said a giraffe and here’s why:

A giraffe is the tallest mammal in the world, an adult giraffe can reach up to 17 ft tall, which in most cases they can reach the tip of the second level of a two story home easily.  The long neck of a giraffe has only 7 vertebrae and powerful muscles pump the blood up the long neck to its brain. A giraffe can only keep its head down for 25 seconds.  Anything longer than 25 seconds would alter the blood pressure balance and be extremely dangerous to the giraffe’s life.

Thus, just about everything a giraffe does that includes lowering its head is a risk factor, yet a mother giraffe will take that risk several time daily as she closely guards her newborn calf.

The process of RE-LOVING can feel extremely uncomfortable after a heartbreak, but it is indeed possible if you give love a chance again.  I chose to use the giraffe as a metaphor, because if an animal can instinctively take a risk to show love to their baby calves, surely we can LOVE OURSELVES enough to risk fully loving again.

The Journey to Love Begins with You…

Accept You!

Remember that until you fully accept who you are, you can’t change anything about your Life. The simple choice of acceptance of all parts of your being gives you ownership of your journey and therefore power to decide what stays, what leaves and what must evolve. Once you have made room to “love yourself’” you are creating space to bring density to your life. A life that you can be proud of.

Be Open to the Possibility of Love!

Life is a journey to which you have embarked with great potential to enjoy it all. When you let Love be your guide, it promises you to give you the ride of your Life.

Inviting Love!

I encourage people to take small steps. Love is the most gratifying gift on earth and how dare us not experiencing it in our everyday lives. We must trust that we will be OK. Shutting the door to love is not a real answer; it’s only the wall we build with false labeling, insecurities, lack of hope and plain old giving up.  At some point you have got to learn that trusting the chance to re-love is much bigger than our wounds of past hurts.

Now go ahead and have a happy Tuesday and take the risk of loving again!

~ Katrina 🙂