Tuesday’s Love Jones – The Limerent Lover


Have you ever come across a word that you never seen before and the meaning floored you?  Well, last weekend, I randomly came across the word: LIMERENCE which means:

noun: psychol a state of mind resulting from romantic attraction, characterized by feelings of euphoria, the desire to have one’s feelings reciprocated, etc.

57eaded4-4f52-42a3-b30a-5ec7ed2714dc-1The meaning intrigued me, because in comparison to stable and requited love, limerence is an all-consuming and powerful phenomenon that involves a neurobiological addiction to attention from the desired person.

A complex and painful experience, it encompasses not only highs and lows, but also a strong sense of having found one’s ‘true love’ – In fact, most people that have symptoms of limerence believe that they have found the love of their life and that their feelings will never fade.

Most exciting requited relationships involve an initial honeymoon phase, during which both individuals float through life in an oxytocin and dopamine-rooted state of bliss. However, this phase notoriously ends after 3-12 months. And, as studies show, it is literally neurochemically impossible for the brain to keep producing the same feel-good transmitters when the stimulus is constant. Our nervous system constantly striving to maintain a homeostatic balance….sooo scientifically there is no way it’s mentally normal to remain on a love high.

A Limerence, however, is an entirely different entity. People with symptoms of limerence adore everything that comes with this problematic situation, such as: constant emotional upswings, latching onto them and allowing themselves to spiral into full-blown fantasizing and magical idealism regarding their perfect future with this person.

4 questions to that will allow you to see if you have ever had symptoms:

  1. Do you consider anyone to be the source of an incomprehensibly powerful, drug-like ‘rush’ that feels exciting and visceral rather than soft and warm?
  2. Do you feel sick or extremely depressed when you are not around you supposed lover?
  3. Do you believe this person is undeniably your soulmate?
  4.  Do you decline introducing them to people because you think someone will steal them away?

A useful way to discern between budding romantic feelings and pathological limerence is to consider how you feel about incorporating them into your wider social circle. It is natural for romantic and sexual feelings to take the front seat initially and for new lovers to temporarily spend less time with friends, but soon enough, people will want to introduce this special being to their friends and create joyful group memories.

Limerence Sufferers May Also Do This:

This person stops you desiring other drugs…

Normal romantic feelings complement your life and soften the blow of reality, but they 0bf29f53f5c74ab48112f666aa91e677do not permanently render you immune to the coping strategies that you employed before finding the person. Limerence, on the other hand, washes your prefrontal cortex with so much dopamine and noradrenaline that will sometimes find themselves magically ‘relieved’ of binge eating, sugar addiction and the desire to chain-smoke.

Abandon anything to have them…

So convinced that their future would be perfect and blissful with a person they willingly let go of anything and anyone that stops you from being with that person. If you are sure that you would renounce all previous passions and circumvent any obstacles to be with this person, you are admitting that you are completely emotionally dependent on their attention and suffering from drug addiction.

Any moment with them is profoundly precious….

Typical couples in love bathe in similar ecstasy when doing mundane things together in the initial phase of the relationship, but feelings are rapidly altering as the days, months and years that goes by.

Any shared conversation or activity with your desired lover is absolutely magical, because it allows you access to the cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin norepinephrine that you have grown to love so much.

None of their bad habits annoy you…

Few things are more telling that you are trapped in limerence than the complete inability to see their flaws objectively. A new partner will seem appealing to the maximum, but in a matter of months, any undesirable quirks, rituals and opinions will start to seem jarring. That sort of never happens with a person suffering from limerence.

limerent1As limerence is never affected by this real-life relationship transition, you will consistently see this person as a flawless angel. Their weaknesses and controversial behaviors will seem quirky and have you entranced and enchanted, to the extent that you will not be capable of comprehending why others could even start to criticize. Only when the limerence ends, will they suddenly drop back down to the ‘reality’ and you will see them through an altered lens of contempt and accurate judgment.

Time spent on other things feels wasted…

It goes without saying that platonic relationships will seem absurdly banal and lacking in any real emotional substance compared to the spiritual feelings of limerence.

How to fix it

Unfortunately, at this stage the causes of limerence behavior is not fully understood. However, at least it is more widely known. We believe that there is a particular chemistry that happens between the two individuals.

So far, the only treatment program that I have heard of that has worked for some people has been cognitive behavioral therapy.  Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy where a psychologist helps manage unhelpful thinking patterns.  If you’re concerned about feelings you’re experiencing, or feel like you may benefit from CBT, the best course of action is to speak to your doctor. You do not have to face this alone.

I am always here, just email me below to schedule a convo:

For other emotional issues you may be facing, especially during this pandemic check out this awesome site for even more help www.lifeline.org

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Things for Couples to Remember While Quarantining!


Quarantine Ideas by Katrina Gurl

Since Trump doesn’t know how to run the country and is suggesting that his followers ingest cleaning products as a COVID19 antidote…our best bet is just stick closer to our family and learn new ways to strengthen our relationships withPawii our partner.

Let’s face it, there are a LOT of couples packing with tensions of quarantining in close quarters during this worldwide pandemic. Let’s just jump to the bold stuff, before you have to put a tranquilizer dart in your spouse’s neck for doing that irritating, “thing” again. Just be honest and put your feelings on the table and work them out like adults.

  1. I’m not used to you being home all day!

Like you, your spouse is under all sorts of stress. From working from home to homeschooling to the economy to lack of hand-sanitizer to having to live with you, the struggle is real.

When they mess up, ease up. Try not to get all bent out of shape about the way they deal with the kids, their towels on the floor, their way of managing to slurp through every bite of their cereal. Give them the grace you need now or are going to need soon.

  1. All these years and I never knew you were such a mean person!

Somehow we know exactly how to be kind to stranger during an entire work week, but now that we are at home every day with our loved ones, the knowledge of that has seemed to walk right out the door. You may be surprised how staggering helpful small doses of kindness can be for your relationship.

  1. You’re strange these days!

Some couples have a lot of differences. Every couple has some differences. Some of you are stressed your mate is not stressed enough about the coronavirus. Some of you are stressed because your spouse is too stressed. Some of you hate this time has messed-up your structure, while others are thrilled daily hygiene is optional.

Although it’s frustrating when you re-see the face you promised to love. They may be a LOT to deal with, but, so are you. There’s no better way to draw your mate to you than accepting them, all of them. They need your acceptance now more than ever.pawii2

  1. Try to have fun in this UN-FUN situation

I fully understand the coronavirus is serious. How in the world could we ever forget? The reminders are everywhere. But too much news causes too much stress. Too much stress weakens your immune system.

So, for the sake of doing your part, try to be at least semi-fun. You don’t have to do stand-up, but at least tell some jokes or do something fun around the house. And for all the love of God, if you see your mate TRYING to be kind, try to follow suit.

2020 is turning out to be the strangest year in a long while, but as far as relationships go…let’s make it remarkable memorable.

Below are some creative activities for couples. Some of them are weird, but who knows how long this will last. Things may get desperate!

Have Themed dinner and a movie…

  • Whip up a buttery and then watch Black AF or Dolemite Is My Name or The Big Lebowski.
  • Find a favorite, romantic play online and act it out for the family, or just for yourselves.

Put on a fashion show for each other

  • Do this while cleaning out the closet…try on clothing and show off your sexy off and let him/her decide if you should keep or toss that item.

Explore Instagram Live – Club Quarantine with DJ D- Nice

  • In a coronavirus world, for many folks, Saturday nights might have meant dance parties at clubs all around the country. But as we’re all social distancing, thanks to DJ D-Nice, any person anywhere can be part of one giant dance party at the same time—via Instagram.

Each week Club Quarantine reaches over of 100,000 with live viewers. Guests including Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and John Legend popped in to the “party” throughout the week, but on Saturday the party got lit, as the kids say, with guests including Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lopez, Rihanna, Ellen DeGeneres. Even Democratic presidential candidates Vice President Joe Biden and Senator Bernie Sanders joined in on the fun! And, let’s not forget #SEXYTIME whenever Halle Barry steps in the room as chatroom fam has coined the hashtags #BERRYNICE.

D-Nice spins tracks by artists including Rihanna and Janet Jackson, he shouted out his special guests—even joking that perhaps guest Mark Wahlberg. Many also remarked on the power that music and dance has to change the world.