Today’s Tuesday’s Love Jones is based on “LUST” and the reason why we are speaking on this topic is because LUST is the biggest little 4 letter word that can completely destroy a relationship. Did you know that 1 in 5 people in relationships married or dating actually admit to lusting after someone else? Lusting after someone while in a committed relationship is more common than we all may think!
A “Couples Network” survey found that just over 50% of people have had OR will have feelings for another person other than their spouses or partners and this even happens in HAPPY relationships.
But what is lust and how can we stop lust from creeping in our relationships?
LUST can become the bad little 4 letter word that if used in the wrong context. Lust can ultimately change the positive paths in a relationship and destroy it to pieces. The definition of lust (per dictionary.com) is:
1.intense sexual desire or appetite.
2.uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3.a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power.
4.ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
5.Obsolete. a. pleasure or delight. b. desire; inclination; wish.
A lust for life is good and a lust and a lust for success is good, but “lust” towards someone else while in a relationship…well, hmmph,That’s Baaad News!!! However as humans, isn’t that what we want the most? Things (and people in this case) that we should not want to have? However, the feelings of lust are very real and even though we know it’s not right…WE STILL WANT IT!!! Right?
So, what can be done about it? I mean, you read the definition: ‘a passionate or overmastering desire or craving’ and when we as humans crave something, it’s sort of ALL that we can think about, right?
1. Understand the differences between love and lust.
Get your feelings out on the table and be honest with yourself. Reference our Love/Lust blog
2. Get busy, sometime lust seeps in when our minds are idle and the lust we feel can become bigger in our MINDS than in reality! The root of lust can perpetually run so deep that it can become instinctive. Once lust becomes a part of you, it is hard NOT to think that its “JUST OKAY” to NOT act on what you are feeling in the MOMENT.
3. Regroup and renew. Television, movies, billboards, newspapers and magazines overwhelm us with lustful images on a daily basis and when lustful thoughts become a part of our lives (BY NATURE), we begin to take those feelings as paramount desires that control our minds.
4. Understand that as humans, we WILL be attracted to other people rather we are married or not, but don’t allow attractions to morph into something detrimental to the relationship! The moment we begin to dwell in the lustful thinking of someone else, a vicious cycle begins.
5. Don’t be shame about it! You may have to seek help on this one! Due to us NOT being PERFECT beings we will have to deal with lust until we die and the temptation to lust will ALWAYS be here, but with the proper mindset you can deal with lust without ACTING on it!
Sometimes we are too ashamed to take that first step in seeking help, but we should never try to fight the battle of lust on our own. There are so many things available to help in this type of situation. Of course we have prayer and religious counselling through a local church environment, there’s personal and discreet counseling available online and abroad, and let’s not forget trusted friends and family that may be able to listen to you when some days are worse than others concerning this issue.
When people form the incredible union of marriage, we highly doubt that they walk into it wishing to fail. The biggest mistake that we all make is thinking that relationships WILL BE PERFECT without WORK! Any relationship worth keeping is also one worth working and fighting for. You do this by assessing problems early on and keeping communication open!
Happy Tuesday…make it great ON PURPOSE!