Sensual Agendas – Whenever You Are Ready…I’m Here!

Christine could tell the moment that David walked in the door that he was way too tired for sex and it was the furthest thing from his mind after a hard day at work.  After 25 years of marriage, a girl had to become a little clever during droughts like these.  Christine fixed his dinner and ran a bathe for him to relax a bit.  She rarely ever had time to do things like that for him with her 9 to 5, but with the kids off to college…it sure did make the house quite cozy for the two of them.

“He honey, I can see that you’ve had another rough day so we don’t have to have intercourse, but we can still make love. Sit down, let me rub your shoulders and help you let go of the stress of the day. Close your eyes, lean your forehead against mine and breathe, deep and slow until our breaths fall in sync. Don’t worry about time, don’t worry about place. Place your hand over my heart, I’ll place my hand over yours. Feel how are hearts beat together? The only people that exist right now are me and you. Just me and you. Now, open your eyes and look into mine. See into me and know that whenever you are ready, I’m here.”

Sometimes, understanding is the sexiest thing that a relationship needs!

You have just been poked with a sensual thought that will enhance your next sensual agenda! Find out more about these regular and spontaneous posts on youtube.

A special thanks to the exceptional writer that helped to make this post possible!!!!


Tuesday’s Love Jones – Faithful Attraction!

Hello and welcome to Tuesday’s Love Jones!

Today we are visiting perpetual attraction in the relationship.  Have you ever heard a person say “He/she loves me just the way I am…big or small.”  We have heard that here at My Stiletto Dreams and Put A Wedge In it Blogs several times.  The statement itself is true.  We can still love our mate in a relationship no matter how MUCH someone physically changes, but how the being attracted to them play a part in the overall satisfaction in the relationship.

Last week we had a woman write in for advice and she brought up a very good point.  She told us that she loved her husband dearly and that she’d never leave him, but that she was NOT attracted to him and didn’t know what to do about it.

Although we have removed names for the privacy of this client…here is the note:

I am 36 and have been married for 15 years this past January.  Of the 15 years I have been slowly losing attraction towards my husband.  He keeps gaining weight and does not take care of himself.  This has become a serious issue for me, because I take care of myself not just for me, but so that I may still be appealing to him.

 His feelings on this subject are not the same as me.  He feels that if we both love one another that the attraction should be there constantly and automatically NO MATTER what his appearance is.

 When we said our marital vows and got to that “for better or for worse” part I didn’t really know I’d be signing up for this.  What can I do….I feel that my options are very limited. [END]

 After reading the urgency in this woman’s note, we responded to her quickly by saying that the first thing she needed to do is tell him the depths of how she was feeling.  It is never a good idea to hint about relationship issues that are affecting us.  Then we told her to not feel guilty about feeling this way.  We then asked the woman how her husband looked when they first met.  She answered and said that he was very athletic and play football in college.

When they met, he was athletic, toned and energetic and that is what attracted her to him in the first place and now that 15 years have passed, his lack of caring about his appearance made our writer feel disrespected in a way.

Although we told her not to feel guilty for having these VERY natural feelings of becoming un-attracted to her husband for lack of at least trying to keep himself healthy; we also told her that communication is key and that she did the right thing by seeking help instead of acting on the way she was feeling.  Many times relationships end for the simplest things that could have prevented if communication was in place.

In any given run of a day we will see the overbearing the superficial standards of what we ought to be attracted to shoved in our faces by television, magazines, and movies.  However, none of that means that what your feelings are wrong.

You love your hubs…you just don’t want to make love to him, because let’s face it (HONESTY IS KEY) you are no longer attracted to him and have actually quite frankly become repulsed by his excess weight.

Peradventure, if he were fat when you fell in love with him and you began feeling this way all of a SUDDEN…then yes, we’d suppose it to be your fault or to say the least, a change of heart as far as what you are attracted to, but if that is not the case in your case what can one do about this very real situation?

 Things you can do now to help:

  •  Assure your husband several times every day that you love him just as he is and that you are committed to be with him for life.
  •  Open your heart and COMMUNICATE how you feel about his weight and even though this is hard…be honest about all the emotions you are feeling.
  •  Ask him if he’d commit to diet and exercise for you as well as for his own well-being.
  •  Help him in every way that he will allow.
  •  Encourage him to seek help if and if needed a personal trainer.
  •  Offer to make this a team effort by working on this together.

We believe that through honesty and openness, you will bring passion back into your marriage. There are many reasons why people find themselves letting go of their appearances and health…we urge you to find the reasons together and continue to build on your relationship.  The official “Kit-Kat Coaching” web page coming this summer!

Have a great Tuesday on purpose

~ Katrina Gurl 🙂

Real Crush #5 – Come With Me!

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This blog caught my attention while at work about 3 weeks ago. The Tuesday’s Love Jones “telepathy post” is what officially got me hooked, but when the crush postings arrived, well let’s just say, that “I” Janice, AM A DIEHARD FAN for as long as this little operation is in business.

I too have a crush story to add. However, it doesn’t end as dreamy as some of the other posts I’ve come across in these parts. My crush began as a purely platonic friendship. Stanley and I’d been friends for several years. We worked at the same computer company, building HP’s for a living in Palo Alto CA. We’d both had the same mutual friends, went to the same places after work, watched the same types of movies, I’d finish his sentences, he’d know what I was thinking just by the look that I had on my face… even our co-workers said that we acted like and old married couple.

I could count on him for everything. Stanley literally stepped in just like a soldier to help me through the loss of my father and I was right there to help him get through a very tough divorce and custody battle. I called him my blankie and he called me his safety net. Stan is a great looking guy, but I just wasn’t attracted to him in the relationship kind of a way, so our friendship just worked. Or so I thought.

In 2009, the company was doing a lot of major changes and a lot of us lost our jobs. My rank was a little higher than his, plus I was employed at HP longer, so I was able to keep my job. Stanley on the other hand was not so fortunate. Even though HP let him go, he still was able to find work. Bad thing about it was that he decided to move closer to his family in Arizona. His brother owned an aluminum factory in Phoenix, so he took the work rather he wanted to make the big move are not.

Here’s where things go downhill for us. Before Stanley left for Arizona, he asked me the strangest thing. He asked me to come with him. Then he told me that if I came with him that he was sure he could get me hired. He also said that he really didn’t want to move so far away without me. The things he was saying totally took me by surprise. He went on to tell me what I meant to him and the more he talked, I noticed he began slowly bending on one knee.

Of course, I thought his back was giving out on him, because I KNOW STAN WAS NOT ABOUT TO ASK ME WHAT I WAS THINKING HE WAS! But, I nearly fainted when he pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. His eyes were all watery as he eagerly awaited my answer. Then my eyes got all teary, but not out of joy or bliss. My eyes were teary because I did not want to be part of hurting the man that I not only loved, but respected with all my heart.

“Stanley, no…I can’t marry you. Our relationship would never work that way. I’m so sorry.” I said as my eye whaled with tears.

Stanley closed the little black case, got off of his knee, and looked at me in pure confusion masked with pain, turned around and left with his head down. The pain that was in his eyes is a pain that I hope I never witness again in my entire life.

That happened about 2 years ago. Since then, all I’ve had was failed attempts of contacting him just see how his life was going. Even if Stan asked me to marry him today, my answer would still be the same, but I sure do miss the friend that was the biggest part of the drum beat in my heart.

If you have a secret crush TELL US ABOUT IT…we want to know how the crush started, how the person makes you feel and what you plan to do about it. Your secret is safe with us!  You will always appear anonymous!  Email us @ and simply wait for your SECRET CRUSH to be REVELED here on Put A Wedge In It Blogs!  

To read past entries go to category

Tuesday’s Love Jones – LUST!

Today’s Tuesday’s Love Jones is based on “LUST” and the reason why we are speaking on this topic is because LUST is the biggest little 4 letter word that can completely destroy a relationship. Did you know that 1 in 5 people in relationships married or dating actually admit to lusting after someone else? Lusting after someone while in a committed relationship is more common than we all may think!

A “Couples Network” survey found that just over 50% of people have had OR will have feelings for another person other than their spouses or partners and this even happens in HAPPY relationships.

But what is lust and how can we stop lust from creeping in our relationships?

LUST can become the bad little 4 letter word that if used in the wrong context. Lust can ultimately change the positive paths in a relationship and destroy it to pieces. The definition of lust (per is:

lust (noun)
1.intense sexual desire or appetite.
2.uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3.a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power.
4.ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
5.Obsolete. a. pleasure or delight. b. desire; inclination; wish.

A lust for life is good and a lust and a lust for success is good, but “lust” towards someone else while in a relationship…well, hmmph,That’s Baaad News!!! However as humans, isn’t that what we want the most? Things (and people in this case) that we should not want to have? However, the feelings of lust are very real and even though we know it’s not right…WE STILL WANT IT!!! Right?

So, what can be done about it? I mean, you read the definition: ‘a passionate or overmastering desire or craving’ and when we as humans crave something, it’s sort of ALL that we can think about, right?

Step Numbers:

1. Understand the differences between love and lust.
Get your feelings out on the table and be honest with yourself. Reference our Love/Lust blog

2. Get busy, sometime lust seeps in when our minds are idle and the lust we feel can become bigger in our MINDS than in reality! The root of lust can perpetually run so deep that it can become instinctive. Once lust becomes a part of you, it is hard NOT to think that its “JUST OKAY” to NOT act on what you are feeling in the MOMENT.

3. Regroup and renew. Television, movies, billboards, newspapers and magazines overwhelm us with lustful images on a daily basis and when lustful thoughts become a part of our lives (BY NATURE), we begin to take those feelings as paramount desires that control our minds.

4. Understand that as humans, we WILL be attracted to other people rather we are married or not, but don’t allow attractions to morph into something detrimental to the relationship! The moment we begin to dwell in the lustful thinking of someone else, a vicious cycle begins.

5. Don’t be shame about it! You may have to seek help on this one! Due to us NOT being PERFECT beings we will have to deal with lust until we die and the temptation to lust will ALWAYS be here, but with the proper mindset you can deal with lust without ACTING on it!

Sometimes we are too ashamed to take that first step in seeking help, but we should never try to fight the battle of lust on our own. There are so many things available to help in this type of situation. Of course we have prayer and religious counselling through a local church environment, there’s personal and discreet counseling available online and abroad, and let’s not forget trusted friends and family that may be able to listen to you when some days are worse than others concerning this issue.

Final Though

When people form the incredible union of marriage, we highly doubt that they walk into it wishing to fail. The biggest mistake that we all make is thinking that relationships WILL BE PERFECT without WORK! Any relationship worth keeping is also one worth working and fighting for. You do this by assessing problems early on and keeping communication open!

Happy Tuesday…make it great ON PURPOSE!