Tuesday’s love Jones – Devotion or Too Much!!!


Every year Jackie and Doug Christie renew their vows, and this year for their 20th anniversary! The Christies let the Basketball Wives LA cameras film their 20th marriage renewal, which was featured on the season finale of the VH1 reality show. The surprise wedding had viewers shed a few #RealBlackLove tears as the beautiful moment played out on Sunday night’s episode.

Is this type of devotion each year ideal or too much?

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The Art of Talking to Your Spouse – Tuesday’s Love Jones!


The art of conversation, like any art, is a skill of elegance, intention and creative execution. And, we seem to have that skill all together right when we are truly interested in the newness of getting to know someone. But, fast-forward years ahead, after marriage…the skill to really talk to our partner or even want to fades.

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No boring conversation allowed…

Conversation is a form of communication and when you have good communication within the relationship there shouldn’t be much of a problem, right? Here’s what I have found to be part of the problem: Conversation is usually something that happens spontaneously, but with our mate it may feel very mundane or boring, lacking the excitement that it once had. I for one, have been married for 24 years, so I already know pretty much every response my hubs may have in any conversation we have.  Therefore, the feeling of routine sets in.

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So, how can one fix that…?

This is where focus needs to take place. The one thing that I suggest to do is to take a little time to bring up topics that your partner really likes to talk about. For instance, my husband loves the National Geographic channel, so I talk to him about things he likes. By doing this,  I get to learn something from him that I never knew before.

Good conversation will always leave you with learning something about a person and how special for that person to be your spouse.

Next step…

Be interesting and have something to say. Pick up a new hobby, read a book or become informed about current events. This year’s 2016 Olympics is something to keep up on. There is nothing wrong with doing or learning something exciting to share with your spouse that will over- all keep communicating fun, new and creative.

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Finally…

Here is a list of great convo starters for couples that have been together for a long time like my hubs and me. These are merely examples, but I think they are great starters for fun conversation in your relationship.

  • I used to always wish I could?
  • I wish I had learned to?
  • I like it best when you refer to me as?
  • My greatest need right now as a woman is to?
  • My greatest need right now as a man is to?
  • If I could have any super power, it would be?
  • If I could have lived during another time period, it would be?
  • If we read out loud together what book would you pick?
  • If you won an all expenses paid trip to Rio for the Olympics, would you risk your health for it?

Have an amazing Tuesday, folks!!!

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Get to know Kat here

Tuesday’s Love Jones – 23 Years of Great Advice!


This past Saturday, May 23rd, to be exact….the hubs and me celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary.  As we celebrated the good times over the years, we thought about what advice that we would possibly share with for younger couples. There is no good reason to go through all the ups and downs that we both have faced without being some kind of light to younger couples.

Marriage is not all cupcakes and flowers, so how in the world did we get through 23 years?  For us, these 23 years have been filled with tears of joy, but also sorrow and filled with joy that has taken a lot of work. For us, falling in love back in high school 1988 and saying “I do” in 1992, was the easy part. Living happily ever after is the part that takes a whole lot of work.

Here are our collected words of wisdom below:

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    His Prom 1988

    Share everything with each other. Most importantly, everything you are feeling. There is no way to be on common ground if you don’t communicate how you’re feeling.

  • Whatever bad stuff happens, remember this, too, will pass.
  • Affection breeds more affection. Touch each other, kiss each other good morning, and have plenty of sex . It’s too easy to get out of the habit, which makes you feel distant. Intimacy and physical affection really help keep you connected.
  • Let the little things go and think big picture. Since you’re in it for the long haul, are you really going to care who did or didn’t run the dishwasher when you look back in 10 years? Remind yourself that your relationship is much, much bigger than any one minor incident.
  • Take time for yourself to do what you love, what makes you happy and gives you energy — being successful as a couple will only work if each of you is strong and fulfilled as an individual.
  • Avoid giving the silent treatment. Talk about things that bother you as soon as possible; don’t let your emotions build up, because you’ll likely explode.
  • Let go of hurts more easily, and try not to dwell on things that annoy you.
  • Don’t take each other for granted. You have to work at it all the time.

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    Summer 86′

  • Be spontaneous. Change things up every once in a while. Whether that means a last-minute vacation or a card for no special occasion. Grand gifts and the smallest gestures can go a long way when you’re with someone for a very long time.
  • Be nice! This can be harder than it seems sometimes, but remember that you (hopefully) love the person more than anyone else on the planet and you chose to marry them, so treat them with kindness.
  • Be patient. You both might grow together at different times and in different ways, so you need to give and take to make it last forever.
  • Celebrate when good things happen, and be expressive about it.
  • Tell them what you need. As much as you want them to, they can’t read minds. Tell them that you feel disconnected and that you want a day alone together or date night.
  • Surprise each other like you used to do when dating with special notes, small gifts, baking them a favorite recipe, or planning a weekend away. It lets the other person know you’re still in love with them, and it makes you feel the love, too.
  •  Build your partner up and support them to be all they can or want to be.
  • Take time to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes before judging. You want to avoid unnecessary criticism or negativity as much as you can.
  • Make each other laugh. Try not to take everything so seriously.
  • Be more generous with time and money. There is nothing worse than a spouse that rant a raves about every penny spent.
  • Don’t get defensive. Try to come at things from a place of love and kindness, and don’t assume you’re being attacked.
  • Trust and be trustworthy.
  • Try to always remember why you fell in love with your partner. Whether it was their sense of humor or ambition…always remind yourself.
  • Say “I love you,” and tell your partner they look attractive.
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For more tips pick up my book

 

Fireproof the Movie!


imagesIn the wake of his daring rescue of a complete stranger, decorated firefighter Caleb Holt (Kirk Cameron) realizes the extent to which he has failed as a husband. In a desperate attempt to save his relationship with his wife, Catherine (Erin Bethea), Holt turns to “The Love Dare,” a Christian self-help book.

At the prompting of his devout father, John (Harris Malcom) and guided by the book itself. Holt embarks on a 40-day mission to rescue his marriage from the looming specter of divorce. This film was brought to my attention by a dear author friend of mine, Ms. Renda Rose. She has been such a voice of reason for many decisions I’ve had to make in life.

After watching this movie almost mirror my own marriage, it’s conclusion helped to no end. I’m the kind of relationship coach that keeps it real. All relationships (even coaches) need upkeep and sometimes even repair. If you are having relationship whoa’s that almost have you on the verge of stepping away for your relationship.

Stop, breathe and take a look at this film today.

WATCH FULL MOVIE HERE

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