Tuesday’s Love Jones – The Limerent Lover

Have you ever come across a word that you never seen before and the meaning floored you?  Well, last weekend, I randomly came across the word: LIMERENCE which means:

noun: psychol a state of mind resulting from romantic attraction, characterized by feelings of euphoria, the desire to have one’s feelings reciprocated, etc.

57eaded4-4f52-42a3-b30a-5ec7ed2714dc-1The meaning intrigued me, because in comparison to stable and requited love, limerence is an all-consuming and powerful phenomenon that involves a neurobiological addiction to attention from the desired person.

A complex and painful experience, it encompasses not only highs and lows, but also a strong sense of having found one’s ‘true love’ – In fact, most people that have symptoms of limerence believe that they have found the love of their life and that their feelings will never fade.

Most exciting requited relationships involve an initial honeymoon phase, during which both individuals float through life in an oxytocin and dopamine-rooted state of bliss. However, this phase notoriously ends after 3-12 months. And, as studies show, it is literally neurochemically impossible for the brain to keep producing the same feel-good transmitters when the stimulus is constant. Our nervous system constantly striving to maintain a homeostatic balance….sooo scientifically there is no way it’s mentally normal to remain on a love high.

A Limerence, however, is an entirely different entity. People with symptoms of limerence adore everything that comes with this problematic situation, such as: constant emotional upswings, latching onto them and allowing themselves to spiral into full-blown fantasizing and magical idealism regarding their perfect future with this person.

4 questions to that will allow you to see if you have ever had symptoms:

  1. Do you consider anyone to be the source of an incomprehensibly powerful, drug-like ‘rush’ that feels exciting and visceral rather than soft and warm?
  2. Do you feel sick or extremely depressed when you are not around you supposed lover?
  3. Do you believe this person is undeniably your soulmate?
  4.  Do you decline introducing them to people because you think someone will steal them away?

A useful way to discern between budding romantic feelings and pathological limerence is to consider how you feel about incorporating them into your wider social circle. It is natural for romantic and sexual feelings to take the front seat initially and for new lovers to temporarily spend less time with friends, but soon enough, people will want to introduce this special being to their friends and create joyful group memories.

Limerence Sufferers May Also Do This:

This person stops you desiring other drugs…

Normal romantic feelings complement your life and soften the blow of reality, but they 0bf29f53f5c74ab48112f666aa91e677do not permanently render you immune to the coping strategies that you employed before finding the person. Limerence, on the other hand, washes your prefrontal cortex with so much dopamine and noradrenaline that will sometimes find themselves magically ‘relieved’ of binge eating, sugar addiction and the desire to chain-smoke.

Abandon anything to have them…

So convinced that their future would be perfect and blissful with a person they willingly let go of anything and anyone that stops you from being with that person. If you are sure that you would renounce all previous passions and circumvent any obstacles to be with this person, you are admitting that you are completely emotionally dependent on their attention and suffering from drug addiction.

Any moment with them is profoundly precious….

Typical couples in love bathe in similar ecstasy when doing mundane things together in the initial phase of the relationship, but feelings are rapidly altering as the days, months and years that goes by.

Any shared conversation or activity with your desired lover is absolutely magical, because it allows you access to the cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin norepinephrine that you have grown to love so much.

None of their bad habits annoy you…

Few things are more telling that you are trapped in limerence than the complete inability to see their flaws objectively. A new partner will seem appealing to the maximum, but in a matter of months, any undesirable quirks, rituals and opinions will start to seem jarring. That sort of never happens with a person suffering from limerence.

limerent1As limerence is never affected by this real-life relationship transition, you will consistently see this person as a flawless angel. Their weaknesses and controversial behaviors will seem quirky and have you entranced and enchanted, to the extent that you will not be capable of comprehending why others could even start to criticize. Only when the limerence ends, will they suddenly drop back down to the ‘reality’ and you will see them through an altered lens of contempt and accurate judgment.

Time spent on other things feels wasted…

It goes without saying that platonic relationships will seem absurdly banal and lacking in any real emotional substance compared to the spiritual feelings of limerence.

How to fix it

Unfortunately, at this stage the causes of limerence behavior is not fully understood. However, at least it is more widely known. We believe that there is a particular chemistry that happens between the two individuals.

So far, the only treatment program that I have heard of that has worked for some people has been cognitive behavioral therapy.  Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy where a psychologist helps manage unhelpful thinking patterns.  If you’re concerned about feelings you’re experiencing, or feel like you may benefit from CBT, the best course of action is to speak to your doctor. You do not have to face this alone.

I am always here, just email me below to schedule a convo:

For other emotional issues you may be facing, especially during this pandemic check out this awesome site for even more help www.lifeline.org

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Aging Sensually!

If your sex drive has taken a dive recently, you’re not alone: it’s common to go through waves of low libido as we age, buy just because we’re aging does not mean we have to take this lying down (get it? Lying down?) Let’s try out some of these of methods of boosting your sex drive and you’re sure to feel like your old self in no time.

Get Your Vitamin C Fix
Taking in plenty of vitamin C is good for you. What you might not have known, though, is that it’s also great for your sex drive. It turns out stocking up on foods like oranges, kiwi, green peppers, guava, and strawberries can really get you in the mood. Studies show that women who have high intakes tend to have more and sex.

Have a Cup of Coffee
Coffee wakes you up, gives you energy, and boosts your sex drive! Caffeine tends to make you want to get it on and will even give you a better experience once you do. So grab a cup or two tomorrow morning and get it on before work.

Massage Oil
Did you know that applying topically to your nether regions to heat things up?

Drink Some Red Wine
Drinking red wine to help increase your sex drive sounds way too good to be true. But no, you’re not dreaming! Studies found that treating yourself to a moderate intake of the antioxidant-packed beverage could help increase sexual desire, lubrication, and overall sexual function.

Try Fenugreek
You might not know too much about Fenugreek. The medicinal herb is touted as a way to help lower blood sugar levels and increase breast milk production, but research literally found that by taking a daily supplement of the powerful plant could also play a role in increasing sexual arousal and desire.

Serve Up Some Watermelon
Eating watermelon is such a summer treat, but you might want to grab it year-round: Research found the fruit might have Viagra-like effects on the body, giving your libido a solid boost due to the compounds it contains.


Make Time for Intimacy
It might feel weird taking the time to schedule in your freaking in the sheets, but in these fast flighting days we need way more playtime in our lives, right? The Mayo Clinic says adding some time for intimacy can get your sex drive back on track. And, get with the times and make that cell phone work for you more by sending a calendar invite to your hubby with some eggplant emojis to give him something to look for.

Drink Pomegranate Juice
Aside from water, there’s one more important beverage to include in your diet—at least in terms of your sex drive: pomegranate juice. According to a recent study in Scotland, just one glass a day not only helped boost participants’ mood and memory, but it also increased the amount of testosterone in their bodies, in turn increasing their libido. And for more ways to boost your testosterone.

Be More Open and Transparent with Your Partner
Sitting down and talking about why your sex drive has taken a hit with your partner might feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary…especially if you want to get back on track! The Mayo Clinic also says communicating in an open, honest way can help you “maintain a stronger emotional connection, which can lead to better sex.” I always tell the men that come to counseling with their wives – “Honesty can be one of the sexiest things to turn your woman on!”

Doctor Prescribed Clitoral Therapy
Did you know that your doctor could help you increase your sex drive with a simply prescription for a device that costs $250? According to Harvard University, the Eros Clitoral Therapy Device uses a gentle vacuum to increase genital flow to the area — and in clinical trials, women were super impressed: 90% felt more sensation in the area after using it, and 80% had increased sexual satisfaction.

Reading Sexy Lit
Books are the best sex toy. According to a medical sexologist, nothing promotes sexual behavior and satisfaction quite like reading a book. This approach, known as bibliotherapy, has the ability to heal patients through the reading of texts. Sexy texts, in this case.
In addition to the sexual benefits of reading, bibliotherapy also has general psychological perks. Research suggests that actively fantasizing releases chemicals like dopamine and testosterone, which promote happiness.

It’s better than adult films because most women can’t relate to watching a hairless, glistening model with a tiny waist and huge breasts. Writers of erotica generally omit physical details about the characters’ appearances. Instead, they focus on emotional relationships and situations. This makes it easier for female readers to insert themselves in the scenario.

Books are safe the meaningful relationship if you’re trying to repair your libido. Women can’t feel aroused if they are inhibited. Finding that right balance of familiarity and boundaries can be hard to do, but books make it easy. Anyone can pick up a book at their leisure and read it on their own time.

I just so happen to be giving 5 free copies of my own book to the first 5 readers of this blog. All you have to do is fill out the register below for a copy of The Balcony View Revisit by yours truly, Katrina Gurl. This books is filled with short sexy stories that will light your room of fire.

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