Tuesday’s Love Jones – The Limerent Lover

Have you ever come across a word that you never seen before and the meaning floored you?  Well, last weekend, I randomly came across the word: LIMERENCE which means:

noun: psychol a state of mind resulting from romantic attraction, characterized by feelings of euphoria, the desire to have one’s feelings reciprocated, etc.

The meaning intrigued me, because in comparison to stable and requited love, limerence is an all-consuming and powerful phenomenon that involves a neurobiological addiction to attention from the desired person.

A complex and painful experience, it encompasses not only highs and lows, but also a strong sense of having found one’s ‘true love’ – In fact, most people that have symptoms of limerence believe that they have found the love of their life and that their feelings will never fade.

Most exciting requited relationships involve an initial honeymoon phase, during which both individuals float through life in an oxytocin and dopamine-rooted state of bliss. However, this phase notoriously ends after 3-12 months. And, as studies show, it is literally neurochemically impossible for the brain to keep producing the same feel-good transmitters when the stimulus is constant. Our nervous system constantly striving to maintain a homeostatic balance….sooo scientifically there is no way it’s mentally normal to remain on a love high.

A Limerence, however, is an entirely different entity. People with symptoms of limerence adore everything that comes with this problematic situation, such as: constant emotional upswings, latching onto them and allowing themselves to spiral into full-blown fantasizing and magical idealism regarding their perfect future with this person.

4 questions to that will allow you to see if you have ever had symptoms:

1. Do you consider anyone to be the source of an incomprehensibly powerful, drug-like ‘rush’ that feels exciting and visceral rather than soft and warm?
2. Do you feel sick or extremely depressed when you are not around you supposed lover?
3. Do you believe this person is undeniably your soulmate?
4.  Do you decline introducing them to people because you think someone will steal them away?

A useful way to discern between budding romantic feelings and pathological limerence is to consider how you feel about incorporating them into your wider social circle. It is natural for romantic and sexual feelings to take the front seat initially and for new lovers to temporarily spend less time with friends, but soon enough, people will want to introduce this special being to their friends and create joyful group memories.

Limerence Sufferers May Also Do This:

This person stops you desiring other drugs…

Normal romantic feelings complement your life and soften the blow of reality, but they do not permanently render you immune to the coping strategies that you employed before finding the person. Limerence, on the other hand, washes your prefrontal cortex with so much dopamine and noradrenaline that will sometimes find themselves magically ‘relieved’ of binge eating, sugar addiction and the desire to chain-smoke.

Abandon anything to have them…

So convinced that their future would be perfect and blissful with a person they willingly let go of anything and anyone that stops you from being with that person. If you are sure that you would renounce all previous passions and circumvent any obstacles to be with this person, you are admitting that you are completely emotionally dependent on their attention and suffering from drug addiction.

Any moment with them is profoundly precious….

Typical couples in love bathe in similar ecstasy when doing mundane things together in the initial phase of the relationship, but feelings are rapidly altering as the days, months and years that goes by.

Any shared conversation or activity with your desired lover is absolutely magical, because it allows you access to the cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin norepinephrine that you have grown to love so much.

None of their bad habits annoy you…

Few things are more telling that you are trapped in limerence than the complete inability to see their flaws objectively. A new partner will seem appealing to the maximum, but in a matter of months, any undesirable quirks, rituals and opinions will start to seem jarring. That sort of never happens with a person suffering from limerence.

As limerence is never affected by this real-life relationship transition, you will consistently see this person as a flawless angel. Their weaknesses and controversial behaviors will seem quirky and have you entranced and enchanted, to the extent that you will not be capable of comprehending why others could even start to criticize. Only when the limerence ends, will they suddenly drop back down to the ‘reality’ and you will see them through an altered lens of contempt and accurate judgment.

Time spent on other things feels wasted…

It goes without saying that platonic relationships will seem absurdly banal and lacking in any real emotional substance compared to the spiritual feelings of limerence.

How to fix it

Unfortunately, at this stage the causes of limerence behavior is not fully understood. However, at least it is more widely known. We believe that there is a particular chemistry that happens between the two individuals.

So far, the only treatment program that I have heard of that has worked for some people has been cognitive behavioral therapy.  Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy where a psychologist helps manage unhelpful thinking patterns.  If you’re concerned about feelings you’re experiencing, or feel like you may benefit from CBT, the best course of action is to speak to your doctor. You do not have to face this alone.

I am always here, just email me below to schedule a convo:

For other emotional issues you may be facing, especially during this pandemic check out this awesome site for even more help www.lifeline.org

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Things for Couples to Remember While Quarantining!

Quarantine Ideas by Katrina Gurl

Since Trump doesn’t know how to run the country and is suggesting that his followers ingest cleaning products as a COVID19 antidote…our best bet is just stick closer to our family and learn new ways to strengthen our relationships with our partner.

Let’s face it, there are a LOT of couples packing with tensions of quarantining in close quarters during this worldwide pandemic. Let’s just jump to the bold stuff, before you have to put a tranquilizer dart in your spouse’s neck for doing that irritating, “thing” again. Just be honest and put your feelings on the table and work them out like adults.

1. I’m not used to you being home all day!

Like you, your spouse is under all sorts of stress. From working from home to homeschooling to the economy to lack of hand-sanitizer to having to live with you, the struggle is real.

When they mess up, ease up. Try not to get all bent out of shape about the way they deal with the kids, their towels on the floor, their way of managing to slurp through every bite of their cereal. Give them the grace you need now or are going to need soon.

2. All these years and I never knew you were such a mean person!

Somehow we know exactly how to be kind to stranger during an entire work week, but now that we are at home every day with our loved ones, the knowledge of that has seemed to walk right out the door. You may be surprised how staggering helpful small doses of kindness can be for your relationship.

3. You’re strange these days!

Some couples have a lot of differences. Every couple has some differences. Some of you are stressed your mate is not stressed enough about the coronavirus. Some of you are stressed because your spouse is too stressed. Some of you hate this time has messed-up your structure, while others are thrilled daily hygiene is optional.

Although it’s frustrating when you re-see the face you promised to love. They may be a LOT to deal with, but, so are you. There’s no better way to draw your mate to you than accepting them, all of them. They need your acceptance now more than ever.

4. Try to have fun in this UN-FUN situation

I fully understand the coronavirus is serious. How in the world could we ever forget? The reminders are everywhere. But too much news causes too much stress. Too much stress weakens your immune system.

So, for the sake of doing your part, try to be at least semi-fun. You don’t have to do stand-up, but at least tell some jokes or do something fun around the house. And for all the love of God, if you see your mate TRYING to be kind, try to follow suit.

2020 is turning out to be the strangest year in a long while, but as far as relationships go…let’s make it remarkable memorable.

Below are some creative activities for couples. Some of them are weird, but who knows how long this will last. Things may get desperate!

Have Themed dinner and a movie…

• Whip up a buttery and then watch Black AF or Dolemite Is My Name or The Big Lebowski.
• Find a favorite, romantic play online and act it out for the family, or just for yourselves.

Put on a fashion show for each other

• Do this while cleaning out the closet…try on clothing and show off your sexy off and let him/her decide if you should keep or toss that item.

Explore Instagram Live – Club Quarantine with DJ D- Nice

• In a coronavirus world, for many folks, Saturday nights might have meant dance parties at clubs all around the country. But as we’re all social distancing, thanks to DJ D-Nice, any person anywhere can be part of one giant dance party at the same time—via Instagram.

Each week Club Quarantine reaches over of 100,000 with live viewers. Guests including Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and John Legend popped in to the “party” throughout the week, but on Saturday the party got lit, as the kids say, with guests including Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lopez, Rihanna, Ellen DeGeneres. Even Democratic presidential candidates Vice President Joe Biden and Senator Bernie Sanders joined in on the fun! And, let’s not forget #SEXYTIME whenever Halle Barry steps in the room as chatroom fam has coined the hashtags #BERRYNICE.

D-Nice spins tracks by artists including Rihanna and Janet Jackson, he shouted out his special guests—even joking that perhaps guest Mark Wahlberg. Many also remarked on the power that music and dance has to change the world.

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Fighting with Respect!

 

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other. Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place

Frequent heated and hurtful conflict is certainly not healthy or sustainable, either. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together.

If you want to navigate conflict with your partner in a healthier and more productive way, keep these things in mind during your next argument:

~ Schedule a time for conflict

~ Call a timeout if you or your partner needs one

During an argument, it’s common for one or both partners to enter “fight, flight or freeze” mode, humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger. “Fight or flight” refers to when stress hormones activate to give people more energy to either fight the stressor or run from the situation. And “freeze” mode occurs when a person simply does not react at all, in hopes that the stressor loses interest in the fight.

~ Make requests instead of complaints

Fights often start with the same two words: “You always.” Rather than asking their partner to do something they’d like them to do, like cleaning up around the house, people jump to make accusations.

~ Listen, and ask your partner for clarification

~ Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Just as people have different love languages, we have different apology languages, too. It’s not enough to recognize that you’ve hurt your loved one and you owe them an apology: You have to know them enough to tailor your apology to their needs.

In closing, remember that when couples argue, we are not enemies. Even when we do not agree we are still on the same team!

Tuesday’s Love Jones – Types of Orgasms All Grown Women Should Be Having!

We all ready know that female sexuality is a bit more complex than men’s, but it is so complex, a lot of couples out there have experimented with sexual games, or people decide to explore their bodies to get to know themselves better

1. The clitoris: We call it the success locket

This is the most well-known sexual part of the woman, and it’s the easiest orgasm to achieve because it is the most easily accessed. It can easily be caressed. Women love being stimulated in this area, and men already know the path to driving their partner crazy.

2. The vaginal orgasm

This is also another well-known one, and for some more reserved couples, it’s the only one. It’s also one of the most difficult orgasm types to achieve. Simple penetration does not stimulate the famous G spot.

In order to achieve this orgasm, you need to try hard and concentrate. Even though it’s complex, we recommend that you don’t toss it aside, because it can be extremely satisfying.

To do this you will need good communication is important with your partner. There are different positions that can stimulate this area: standing, kneeling, sitting, from behind or from the side—go until you find the perfect position.

3. The mixed orgasm – The Winner

This is one of the most intense of all female orgasm types, and it is achieved by stimulating the clitoris along with reaching vaginal stimulation. It’s also known as a complete orgasm. Here the woman feels her entire body tremble, and is sensitive to all sensations.

There are a lot of women that don’t realize that, in addition to the G spot, the clitoris has ramifications around the vulva and inside the vagina, which is why you can stimulate both of them at the same time.

This can be achieved by stimulating both areas simultaneously. And since it’s not easily done the first few times around, you might need to do a basic body analysis. As the woman, we always recommend that you help. Try positions where you’re on top, and switch between different types of movements until finding the perfect one. Just this…you can do it!!!

4. Exercising at the gym can give you an orgasm

According to a new study, women don’t need a man, or vibrators, or even direct sexual stimulation to reach an orgasm. The phenomenon that is female sexual pleasure can be induced by exercise.

You might be the type of woman that goes to the gym every day, or perhaps you climbed some steep stairs and felt a certain kind of tickle. If so, you have experienced sexual pleasure caused by exercise.

These orgasm types won’t produce in you even half of the sensations that you’ll feel in the previously mentioned ones. Some women have developed this way of feeling pleasure, making it more and more pleasurable and intense; abs, bicycling, aerobics or running. You won’t lose anything by trying it. Although, it is pretty gross to think of woman orgasming all over our local gym!!!!

In Closing…

Reaching an orgasm might not be the easiest thing in the world for women, primarily if you don’t know your own body. Get to know your body and practice, practice, practice!!!