Tuesday’s Love Jones – Fighting with Respect!


 

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other. Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place

Frequent heated and hurtful conflict is certainly not healthy or sustainable, either. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together.

If you want to navigate conflict with your partner in a healthier and more productive way, keep these things in mind during your next argument:

~ Schedule a time for conflict

~ Call a timeout if you or your partner needs one

During an argument, it’s common for one or both partners to enter “fight, flight or freeze” mode, humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger. “Fight or flight” refers to when stress hormones activate to give people more energy to either fight the stressor or run from the situation. And “freeze” mode occurs when a person simply does not react at all, in hopes that the stressor loses interest in the fight.

~ Make requests instead of complaints

Fights often start with the same two words: “You always.” Rather than asking their partner to do something they’d like them to do, like cleaning up around the house, people jump to make accusations.

~ Listen, and ask your partner for clarification

~ Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Just as people have different love languages, we have different apology languages, too. It’s not enough to recognize that you’ve hurt your loved one and you owe them an apology: You have to know them enough to tailor your apology to their needs.

In closing, remember that when couples argue, we are not enemies. Even when we do not agree we are still on the same team!

TLj – How to Gain a Second Chance!


For today’s post, I went to my dopest friend for ideas on what to write about today. Ya see, sometimes us perpetual bloggers literally run out of fresh ideas, so I was happy that he replied quickly. He gladly gave me the topic and told me to call it “second chances.” I then asked him to elaborate a bit and that I’d start writing right away. He said, “Write about ways to reconnect with a long, lost, love and advice on reigniting a dying flame.”

With his simple suggestion, I immediately thought of a list of things a person can do to “gain a second chance!” If we focus on our own actions first, more times than not reigniting flames will come naturally. Flames always spark when we do what it takes to 031b999a8796abddb425606ba6e4b338--black-and-black-black-lovepromote the fire. And, if you think you deserve a second chance, you have to prove that there is nothing to be afraid of going forward. He or she must understand that previous issues won’t resurface in the future.

Now, we all remember learning about the Stop, Look, and Listen rule, right?  This was a warning tactic that was taught children to stay safe, but we still need that same type of safety in our relationships too. Am I right?  Sometimes all people need to do to repair broken relationships are already within them if they take notice. All we need are these 3 steps to build what will most likely will never fade anyway…

STOP!

Assess the situation around you. Be aware of how your actions may be making the other person feel and have understanding and empathy.

LOOK!

Be willing to look at the person in the mirror….that means you! Acknowledge your own wrongs as opposed the other persons. Be willing to say sorry and mean it! Keeping in mind that the rebuilding process may take a moment, so never place an estimated time on someone else’s healing process.

LISTEN!

Be meaningful in your words and always make sure they match your efforts. There is nothing worse than a person that talks the talk, but never walks the walk!!!

In closing, I personally am a big fan of second chances. However, if I am the one giving the second chance, I want to come out the other end of this thing UNDERSTOOD, RESPECTED and BETTER!

A special thanks to my friend for leading me on this particular topic and happy Tuesday to you all.

Put A Wedge In It – Married with a Crush!


Being married with a little crush is no big deal if you’re all grown up and here is why…

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It shouldn’t be really surprising to learn that your partner may be attracted to someone else. Just because a person notices the opposite sex does not mean that it’s the end of your relationship. And heck, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve probably checked out other people just within the last second ago or two. But, that by no means mean infidelity IF you are in a committed relationship.

In fact, new research from Indiana University finds that 70 percent of women in relationships admit to having crushes on other guys.

Yep, I’m talkin full-on crushes.

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I mean the kind of crush where you blush, flirt and even become fully excited when a particular guy enters a room. Furthermore, in the study, women who had been in a relationship for at least 3 years answered open-ended questions about their crushes. And, this was a study amongst full grown seasoned adults, not college kids.

Crushes don’t just magically stop during adolescence either. They continue right on throughout our lives and it is natural. However, it is how we handle our crush is where the real love and respect for our significant others step in.

If your relationship is solid, a crush can be a passing fad. But, if your relationship is rocky it can become more really fast. For example: If I had a crush (and Lord knows I have), I usually snap out of it and realize I wouldn’t really want to break my marriage up for something that very well may fad. So, managing your feelings is key.

How to Handle the Fact that you are Crushing HARD…!!!

  • Remember that it’s natural!

Though you may think you’re the worst wife/girlfriend in the world for even thinking that someone else is funnier, cuter or sexier than your undisputed one true love, the truth is that you’re not evil, you’re just human. In fact, you’ve only succumbed to the same natural phenomenon as millions of other good, decent men and women.

  • Have control!

Yes, I know those stomach butterflies are real…but it’s how you behave in the face of temptation that reveal your true character.

  • Look at the person you really are!

Ask yourself: Is this crush magnified because you are unhappy with your partner? A crush may reveal trouble in paradise or it may indicate that you’ve allowed too much emotional distance within your relationship. Spend less time thinking about that cute guy at work and more quality time with your partner and make sure it’s time spent laughing, talking, and confiding in one another.

  • Are you just lonely?

Keep your crush to yourself, but if you’re feeling lonely or undesirable or just missing some affection from your significant other, that’s information your partner should know. It isn’t necessary for our partner to know about the content of our fantasies, nor that we are even having them, but rather to be engaged in a discussion with them about what we are needing or missing in the relationship and how we can get it from them, in order that the two of us feel closer again.

  • Remember, your relationship is worth the fight!

Studies show that couples that grow together, stay together. So keep the love alive by continually experiencing new places, ideas and experiences with your partner. Draw your beloved closer and decide to take on the world…with all of its temptations, joys, sorrows and struggles…TOGETHER.

Get the book on Secret Crushes Revealed

Read a real life CRUSH here!

 

 

 

Put A Wedge In It – #RelationshipGoals


Establishing relationship goals does not have to be a complicated situation. The simpler2046427d9bdff54c73f8ef57e2df334b and more straightforward the goals are, the better. The key is to just do things daily that will make a big difference.

Becoming a better partner to your mate is certainly doable and achievable. And, please DO NOT begin this process by setting goals for your partner! Focus on establishing your own goals!!! When you both set personal goals you BOTH WIN!!! Similar to your career or fitness goals, your relationship can plateau if you don’t give it your full attention.

Consider what your relationship needs and start there. However, the moment you figure out goals you wish to set…start with yourself to make the change.

enhanced-20564-1437512674-9When you and your partner work together to create goals that improve or maintain the health of your relationship, you also create an atmosphere of pure love and companionship. “I suggest couples both write down three goals on their own and then share them with each other, explaining why each goal is important to them. This can lead to some good conversations about the satisfaction and fulfillment in the relationship too.”

  • Try not to be critical of your partner’s needs.
  • Ask questions if you don’t understand his or her request.
  • Try not to take it personally if they need something that you aren’t giving them.

Writing the goals down will help you and your partner remain focused and these writtencliff-clair.png goals can also act as the antidote to the lethargic tendencies that can creep into any marriage over time. This list is by no means meant to be long and drawn out. Just reflect on the areas of your relationship that you’d like to improve. Period.

For instance, when my hubs and me did this in our own relationship, one of the things he wanted me to do is call him more while he’s away on the road.  I was glad we talked about it, because I truly never knew that bothered him. I’m a publisher and I spend a lot of time on the phone anyway, so I guess I do lack to call him in a run of a week. Him bringing this to my attention, made me eager to change on that.

#RelationshipGoals-Where to begin…

  • First, pick an area of your relationship that you’d like to work on!
  • Communication your goals: State your needs directly!
  • Show compassion in support goals!
  • Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable…say what you need!
  • Just commit! Being in a committed relationship means learning to compromise. Taking steps to appreciate your partner’s viewpoint sends the message that you take your partner’s needs seriously.
  • Take time with your partner. Demonstrate that your relationship is a top priority in your life.

One More Thing:

bm-1-e1455555160518If at all possible, never waiver date night. Life can be busy and relationships can sometimes feel mundane. It’s important to do fun and romantic things together on a weekly basis. Date night can be something to look forward to throughout the week.

Research shows that couples who have sex two or more times a week are more satisfied in their relationships. The week can go by fast, so try putting reminders in your phone but don’t tell your partner and then surprise them by initiating sex.

And above all, your relationship may look different from the rest of the world, and that’s okay. It’s your relationship and it needs to work for you, not everyone else.

Share some of your #RelationshipGoals