My wife and I have been married 14 years. During that time her mother has calls every single day. Initially, I was OK with it because we were living in Utah and she was in Colorado. However, since we’ve moved back to Colorado, because my wife wanted to be near her (we live three miles apart), she continues to call nightly and offer horrible relationship advice whenever the misses and I argue. Sometimes she’ll call during dinner or during our couple’s time after the kids are asleep. I have expressed to my wife how I really don’t like her messy influence in our relationship, but she never listens or consider my plight.
Am I out of line to ask my wife to chose couple time over her daily talks with her negative (almost witch-like) mother or am I being unreasonable? This is a touchy subject, and I don’t know how to resolve it to everyone’s satisfaction.
— Irritated in Colorado
With whom is this a touchy subject? Your wife? Her mother? The two of them? Considering that your mother-in-law lives close by and that she and your wife talk during the day, they appear to be excessively dependent upon each other.
As a partner in your marriage, you have the right to a quiet family dinner and private time with your spouse. If your wife can’t bring herself to get that message across to her mother, then you should set a time after which “Mama” should refrain from calling unless it’s an emergency. And, please don’t feel guilty about this at all…you deserve to be happy! Hell, in my opinion with all due respect, either the mother, wife or both really need to figure out a positive way to spend these talks without effecting the family unit, but on the other hand, irritated in Colorado…you only get one mother, so if you clearly see that your wife is making an effort after you all talk to rectify the situation…be patient! Allow her to work on it in her own way. And, know that the change may not happen overnight.
In closing, I truly thank you for sharing your issues with me and allowing me to share it anonymously on my blog. So far we have gotten issues from more guys than women and I really love that. For some reason most people seem to think that men are always the reason for the demise in failed relationships or perhaps think that men don’t really care to make their relationships work, but hearing from you makes everything I do worthwhile! Men want their relationships to work just as much as women do.
Hopefully this post will help you two have a better Tuesday night,
— Kat 🙂