Tuesday’s Love Jones – Get A New Life Instead!
Losing the love of our life is shattering and shattering is such a fitting word, because the very earth underneath us feels shaky and un-loyal with each step we try to take forward.
Love can feel like such a lottery…a lottery that wasn’t such a great scratch off at that. However, even if they do that doesn’t guarantee success; we should still love with full hearts. As I often repeat to clients that if we are lucky enough, and it is luck, that we meet our ‘soul mate’, which is rare, it is winning the lottery.
As we get older our relationship needs change. If we have loved and lost our ‘first true love’ we need a time of reflection and time to heal. When we meet someone else please give them, and yourself, time.
Those of us who have loved and lost are told to ‘move on’. Yes, we must do just that, but it takes time and a lot of healing. We are brought up with the belief, and are told repeatedly, that there is the one special person out there for us. If we believe we had found them and then lost them what does that make of all the assurances we were given?
For many of us, we have one true love in our lives, though we don’t necessarily end up with them. However, to our detriment we keep looking back picturing an idyllic life full of love with the person who in the end married someone else. If you continue to look back with bitterness you will never find true love and contentment, only increasing personal sadness.
I tell my clients: ‘If you have lost the ‘so called’ love of your life…GO GET A NEW LIFE!”
5 cool ways to use a bad break up to win in life:
Classy/Sexy: The initial stages. Think to yourself: How would Michelle Obama deal with a breakup? Breakups get messy. You don’t need to get even. You also don’t need to act crazy trying to win him back. He didn’t deserve you in the first place. Class is something you can’t pay for in school – but is respected by a man who will treat you right. You want to attract a class act? Keep calm and stay classy!
Stay Focused: A re-focus strategy. A relationship can alter what’s important to you. Make yourself the priority. Now that you have time, think about what you’ve accomplished for YOURSELF during the relationship.
Get Out More: Quit being depressed! Staying locked away from the world is a sign of weakness. Life will go on as soon as you allow it to. Stay active! This may sound corny, but signing up for a gym membership was the best thing! Put on some cute spandex and go for a run. A gym is a great way to meet new people. You can also work off all that ice cream you’ve been eating!
Practice Flirting: Re-learning the ropes. After being in a committed relationship, you forget how to flirt. Loosen up (but not too loose!) Casual conversations and light human interaction can lead to anything; even if it’s just a new friend. Flirting is meant to be fun. It will also boost your ego and mentally prepare you to get back in the ring of love. Don’t ignore the hot Starbucks guy when he’s clearly smiling at your beautiful face. Smile back. Ask him how his day is going. You might even get a free coffee!
Define You: Before you allow someone new in your life. What do you love about yourself? Have you ever stopped to think about that? Why should someone fall in love with you? Often we are on a quest to find someone who can fulfill our needs. But how can you receive if you are unable to give? Don’t let a previous breakup mess up a future relationship. Do you want honesty, loyalty and forgiveness? In order to obtain these qualities in another person, you must be these qualities yourself. Figure out what you need to work on, so when the time comes, you can give and receive love.