It’s now more common for marriages to fail than it is for them to last a lifetime. But don’t let all the negativity of society and celebrity media change your mind on marital bliss. Your relationship can be healthy, harmonious and joyful. Get the power of proper communication BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!
However, making time to consider key questions will help you and your future spouse head in the right direction:
Here are some crucial questions to ask before you get married:
Are you willing to grow up? Your own maturity level, and that of your spouse, will determine how well you all can work together in marriage and how likely you all will be to stick with your relationship or give up on it. So each of you needs to honestly assess your current spiritual, emotional, social, and financial maturity by reflecting on issues such as how much self-control you each have, how much you respect authority, how much you can say “no” to some activities so you can say “yes” to those that are best for you, how much peace versus drama you have in your relationships with others, how often you keep your promises and follow through on commitments, whether or not you have a job that pays your bills, and whether or not you’re in debt.
Are you “equally yoked”? It’s never God’s will for you to be yoked (spiritually united) in marriage with someone who’s not a Christian, because a person who’s not connected to Jesus can’t head in the same direction as you can. Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that you can pull an unbelieving spouse closer to Jesus; what happens instead in marriages between believers and unbelievers is that the unbelieving spouse pulls the believing spouse further away from Jesus. Realize that you can fall in love with anyone you happen to be attracted to, but that doesn’t mean that you should marry them.
Have you talked about money? Disclose all of your financial information to the person you’re considering marrying, and expect full disclosure from him or her, too. Talk about how each of you plans to earn, spend, save, give, and invest money if you get married, and why. If you discover that one or both of you doesn’t currently have a healthy budget or healthy money management attitudes or habits, get help and make changes before getting married to save yourselves from having to go through tremendous stress afterward.
Will you tell the truth? You and your future spouse must tell each other the whole truth about the romantic relationships that you’ve each had with other people previously, regardless of how wild or mild they were. Share all of the details with each other honestly, listen to each carefully, and give each other mercy as God does if you have each sought His forgiveness for your sins and repented of any unhealthy behaviors.
Have you communicated your expectations? Discuss each of your expectations about married life, such as where you’d live, where you’d go to church, when you’d start trying to have children and how many children you want, and what types of careers and work hours you each hope to have. Since surprising each other after you’re married will cause lots of stress, it’s much better to talk about your expectations beforehand and see if you can reach agreements before committing to married life together.
Are you ready to marry an entire family? Get to know each other’s family backgrounds well, since each of you will carry over the attitudes and behaviors that you learned growing up into the new family that you create together.
Will you give respect? You each must also be willing to respect each other even when you don’t think that the other deserves that respect, because God has made you both and highly values you. By choosing to respect your future spouse when he or she doesn’t deserve it, you can motivate your spouse to change and begin acting in ways that are worthy of respect.
Are you ready to love? Realize that love is an action, not just a feeling. Are you prepared to act in love toward your future spouse, even at times when you don’t like his or her behavior? Some of the ways you’ll need to show your love include listening, protecting, providing, and serving each other, no matter what.
Are you ready to “get naked”? Understand that sexual intimacy within marriage involves far more than just a physical connection; it also calls for a spiritual, emotional, and conversational connection. How do you plan to build the kind of relationship with each other that makes healthy and fulfilling sexual intimacy possible in your future marriage? Discuss that openly and honestly with each other.