There will always be a neighborhood tramp or jock that seems to captures our significant others attention, right? And, no matter how much we hate it, our lover will be attracted to other people…its life, deal with it! There is just no way around it. However, there is always a level of respect that should be considered when you are IN A RELATIONSHIP. It is extremely disrespectful to fawn all over another person as if you significant other is not there!!!
I understand that insecurity is a big problem today, especially for women. But, wanting respect (especially in public) has nothing to do with insecurity at all. Back in the day, before I became a relationship coach; I knew my husband loved me as I loved him, but, when I’d see him looking another woman up and down, my blood would boil, because it was disrespectful and seemed very openly disloyal. And, get this…if I’d call him on it back then, he’d almost always uses that insecurity button to justify how wrong he knew he was.
We now call those days our childish days. Nowadays we talk our feelings out and then act on what we need to do to keep the marriage ball rolling.
By definition, a marriage requires that two people be sensitive to each other’s emotional needs and set some ground rules. And, obviously ogling other women or men while with your spouse or lover is dead wrong. In fact, there are far better reasons than insecurity for why it’s problematic: It’s just downright disrespectful and it’s an indirect display of contempt.
Now, glancing and noticing a beautiful person is one thing, but habitually gawking with no limits, having no sense of control or respect whatsoever, going way out of one’s way to ignore your spouse and noticeably stare at another person…well, to me, that’s different. I’d say that’s inappropriate to everyone involved (including any children in the family who may be noticing this behavior).
You need to say something along these lines, in your own words: I don’t like you looking at other women when we’re out together, because it is very disrespectful to me and our relationship and it embarrasses me. You make me feel foolish for being with a person that can’t show minimal respect and common courtesy in public. Although I don’t have the power to stop you from respecting this simple ground rule; I do have to power over my actions and if you choose to not respect me in public…I will not keep myself in a position to feel respected. ***
Realize that a person’s actions say more about them than it does about you, so don’t take on the blame when your significant other disrespects you. However, there is no real reason why a man or woman should keep accepting the victim stance and expect the relationship to improve without voicing what he or she needs.
As for me, I had this talk with my hubs years ago and he got the message loud and clear! I elected to NOT go in public with him until he could give me the respect I know I deserved. I was confident girl, in shape and still in my twenties and was not gonna allow my very own husband to get me all in public and act like some hungry hound dog on the loose. HUMPH…I’d get all dolled up even if it was just to go to the mail box and he got tired real quick of seeing men give me that same attention he was giving other women and he soon got his act together.
Now that combat worked for me, but may not for all…
When you finally voice your stance, be sure that you are confident in your convictions. Make sure that you are not just accusing your spouse of looking at other people due to jealousies. Be sure to examine your confidence. If you are confident and notice you man looking at someone it shouldn’t feel like a hit on your overall self-worth. If you are feeling “less than” when he looks at another woman…you may need counseling, so don’t waste time in call me for a FREE CONSULTATION or pick up my RELATIONSHIP BOOK today. The Coach is always here to help. 🙂
See it for what it is
Sometimes, looking literally means nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens and doesn’t mean that spontaneous cheating will happen. Besides, it’s all about empowerment! Know and believe that YOU ARE FINE AS HELL and own it by not giving to much energy to one look that he may forget about in a split second. Trust and believe that men look at so many women in the run of a day that they don’t even remember half of them by sun down lol!!!
Jealousy is not attractive!
Give your significant other the opportunity to show respect before you go making accusations about him looking at every chick that passes by. Always remember, confidence conquers all!!!!
Allow yourself to shine!
Choose NOW to celebrate your own sexiness, own your beauty and own the ability to feel secure in all situations that arise. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, it shouldn’t bother you whatsoever if your man checks out other women in a tasteful manner.
Transform your fear into sexual energy!
Fear always attracts more fear, so try inviting your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you for a change and know that at the end of the day all you lover really wants is YOU!!!!.
Be confident and have a wonderful Tuesday,